This is the defending champion in a ``can you bottom that'' love poetry
contest. Anyone wanting to challenge its status is welcome to try.
You have the finest rosebud's taste.
I'd break through a citadel.
My love's as strong as the mid-ocean ridge.
For you I'd consume haggis,
No time's too long for me to wait.
Without you, I'd be not whole,
My passion is always mounting.
The love that is the more intense
I know that my love is true.
I'd not forget you if I tried.
Then I hear the words let slip
You mean all the world to me.
Without you I can't be free.
You make me pant considerably.
You're my love guppy.
Without you my life is waste,
I'll stick to you like Elmer's paste.
You're my love guppy.
I'd fight with a raging bull,
Though winning would seem improbable.
You're my love guppy.
You shine like the rainbow bridge
or like that light inside my fridge.
You're my love guppy.
or lose the joys of Bacchus,
or live in sin with Mike Dukakis.
You're my love guppy.
For you, I'd fight against Fate,
though maybe you could lose some weight,
You're my love guppy.
I would have to sell my soul,
or gulp a quart of Tide-E-Bowl.
You're my love guppy.
I'm like a geyser founting.
Well, maybe not, but who's counting?
You're my love guppy.
always has the most silence,
like quiet bursts of flatulence.
You're my love guppy.
I know that you'll love me too,
or I'll hold my breath 'till I turn blue
You're my love guppy.
You make me all warm inside.
My love's as pure as Naugahyde.
You're my love guppy.
From betwixt impatient lips,
``I want to have a relationship.
You're my love guppy.''
``Can you bottom that'' addendum as of 22 January 1996: Sam finally caught up with Greg and relayed this additional anecdote (used with permission):
About a year after I wrote it, I actually gave it to a woman of whom I was enamored. Four days later, she decided she really was a lesbian after all. In order to beat my claim of worst love poem, I think someone would have to offer equally powerful material evidence.
Full agreement from Greg on that.